Punched in the Face

I’ve always heard that it’s healthy to exercise. Good for your body, good for your mind, and so on. And usually I agree with that. I quite like working out. Except for today. Today, I got punched in the face because of exercise.

Let me explain.

I use these workout bands that have handles you can slip over your feet. I did that today, laying on the floor with my feet in the air. Looks pretty ridiculous, but it’s a fun exercise. Except when the hard plastic handle slips off your foot and hits you in the lip.

I screamed.

A lot.

I’ll  be the first to admit I have a low tolerance for pain. And this hurt. More than hurting, though, it felt like the left top of my lip had broken open and was spilling out of my face. Kind of like a sausage had split it’s lining and all the meaty, sausage-y bits had fallen out. My younger sister came rushing up the stairs and saw me on the floor, blood pouring into my hands, mouth a grotesque shape. She screamed. Not as much as me, but still. She then ran to get me an ice-pack covered in my mother’s potholder (I’m home for winter break, by the by) and I pressed it to my lip. Sorry about the bloodstains, Mom.

Many ice-packs later, my lip is less painful and less bulge-y. I can’t eat like a regular person and the bleeding hasn’t entirely stopped. It’s a pretty impressive gash in my lip–I’ll post a picture below, but it’s really not that attractive. Though my dad did say I look like a Hollywood star after she gets botox. He’s called me Angelina Jolie twice now. I think I look more like a lopsided duck.

I guess it was a good experience. Sort of. You know, except for the blood and pain and potential scarring. I think I’ve got a pretty good handle on how it’d feel to get punched in the face. I’ve just got to figure out how to channel that into my writing, right? I’m sure I can have one of my characters get socked in the lip. Definitely.

But now that it’s happened once, never again. I didn’t look at myself in the mirror for a couple hours because I could open my mouth and still feel my top lip against the bottom one. Needless to say, I’m going to be more careful with that exercise in the future.

For those who want to see pictures, click on to see a couple.

Baking Distraction of the Day: Polar Bears

While it may seem from this title that I’m baking polar bears, it’s simply not the case. I think I’d feel much too guilty to eat a polar bear–I have enough trouble eating lamb, and those things are everywhere. The only way I’d eat a polar bear were if it were already dead from old age and I was starving to death on the tundra. And maybe if the only way I could survive was to wrap myself in its carcass. Tauntaun anyone?

But I just can’t imagine myself roughing it on the tundra, and therefore no polar bear snacking for me. UNLESS it happens to be sugary and covered in frosting. Like the amazing cupcake I just made.

Polar bear cupcake!

Now how could such a wonderful cupcake be a distraction? Well, because I should be finishing my novel. And editing it. And sending off applications and stuff for internships both next semester and next summer. But I just can’t seem to make myself do it. Instead I bake. And exercise, to work off all the cupcake induced calories. I just finished the semester–don’t I deserve to eat as much sugar as I want while avoiding anything that looks like work?

I tried to find a polar bear in the position of my cupcake, and this was as close as I got:

Lounging, lazy polar bear

Much like the elusive narwhal, polar bears are some of my favorite creatures. They both hang out in cold climates, they’re both dwindling in numbers, and they both have giant horns sticking out of their foreheads.

Oh wait. That last one’s just narwhals.

Also like the narwhals, the BBC’s got clips of them from the show Frozen Planet! Check out one of the many clips here.

Now off to exercise! Then sleep! Then wake up to make more polar bear cupcakes! The other 11 cupcakes that will be turned into polar bears are currently in the freezer, frosted with a donut hole on top of each of them. And then another 12 cupcakes will just be frosted. And those 24 cupcakes will be added to the 30 of the Oreo cupcakes I made the other day.

All I can say is if I don’t work out, Santa’s not the only one who’ll have a belly like a bowl full of jelly.

 

A puppy, a onesie and Christmas cupcakes

I’ve officially been back in sunny Florida for two days now, and ohmygoodness am I pumped. It was below freezing when I left Scotland but today, here in Orlando, it got up to about eighty degrees fahrenheit. People often ask me if I really feel like it’s Christmas when it’s so warm outside. I respond with another question–who’s going to be merrier, someone digging their car out of the snow for hours or someone who can walk outside in shorts and go out on our boat?

PLUS, my mother has gone all out this year and decorated the house to look like we live next door to Santa. There are snowmen and penguins and polar bears everywhere. And Santas. And reindeer. We went to get a beautiful tree today, along with cinnamon-scented pinecones. And not to forget, I made absolutely scrumptious cupcakes.

Christmas cupcakes and snowmen!

They’re oreo cupcakes from My Baking Addiction. Along with the white frosting pictured above, I made some with red frosting to be even Christmas-ier. These are seriously some of the most delicious cupcakes I have ever made or eaten. And I got cupcakes liners that say “Let it snow!” on them. Because while I am happy to go outside without a jacket on, I do love the snow. I’d definitely be okay with it blizzarding on Christmas day…and melting away by Boxing day. That seems reasonable.

Know what’s not reasonable? Gavin’s Christmas present to me. It’s not reasonable–it’s splendiforous. It’s a bright-green, zip-up, adult onesie. I know what my writing outfit for the rest of forever is going to be. And it’s so big that I can fit my dog, Pirate, in it with me. Which is what I did immediately upon arriving home.

Pirate the puppy in my oneside with me

While I’m slightly too embarrassed to post a photo of just me in the onesie, let me assure you that it’s breathtaking. It’s warm and comfortable and has huge pockets just the right size for a couple good books. Perfection.

Even though it’s only been a couple days, I already feel so relaxed and like I haven’t been away at all. My family’s all merry and excited about Christmas. Tonight might include watching the Santa Claus while snacking on my nummy cupcakes. And maybe hot chocolate with a dash of Irish cream.

Friday Flash: Christmas

“How did it get this big?”

“We don’t know. We’ve been gone for a month and we came back and it was just there.”

“Did you try to cut it down?”

“We couldn’t make ourselves. We put a towel over the roots that sprung up to keep the kittens from gnawing on them.”

“Was it some kind of Christmas miracle?”

“We aren’t sure. But we aren’t taking anything for granted.”

“Are you just going to let it stay there?”

“Yep. We’re hoping to expand the window so it can get more light. We may have to open up the roof one day, but we’ll be the only family on the block with a Christmas tree growing in their living room.”

For more flash fiction inspiration, check out Madison Woods and the Friday Fictioneers!

 

The semester is over! Did you hear me?? OVER! I turned in my final paper this morning and all that’s left to do is pack. And celebrate later on tonight. And to keep writing over break. Maybe I’ll actually finish the story of my novel….maybe even edit it! Crazy! I leave for the good ol’ US of A on Sunday and am a little excited to get back to 70 degree weather, my comfortable bed, my crazy family and my adorable kittens. I’ve continued watching cute cat videos…it’s almost an addiction.

Today starts my unbelievably long seven week break. Seven weeks because St Andrews doesn’t have exams until after Christmas, so people have to come back for a couple weeks before embarking on what’s called intersemester break. That is, people with exams have to do that. MLitt students in the English department just have final papers. So off I go, back to sunny Florida until February 5, the day before my birthday. Tonight I will say a proper adieu to St Andrews and return with a hankering for Scottish accents.

Procrastination: Jaffa Cakes and Clouded Leopards

I’m currently in the throes of editing my large creative submission for class. It’s due Friday at noon and I’m in a pretty good spot. Which of course means that the lure of procrastination is that much stronger. I find myself wanting to search for random things on the internet and eat lots of snack food. I try to resist, but sometimes I can’t. Sometimes I am pulled in the lure of the yard of Jaffa Cakes.

Now here you might be asking yourself, what are Jaffa Cakes? And why would you need a yard of them?

It says "Taller than your average Elf"

BECAUSE THEY ARE DELICIOUS AND MAKE ME FEEL GOOD IN MY INSIDE TUMMY FEELINGS!

Basically, Jaffa Cakes are little sponge cakes with orange filling and chocolate tops. Basically, they are amazing. Basically, they’re helping me get through this.

Know what else is? Cute pictures of baby animals. Specifically from ZooBorns.

I really like the pictures of big cat babies. But they’re really very small. For big cats. My favorites are the clouded leopards. Like this guy.

He's so happy!

I could seriously post dozens of photos of cute clouded leopard babies. They make me so happy. And there aren’t that many of them left! So here are the rules if you see a clouded leopard cub:

1) Notify me immediately.

2) Notify nearby authorities if this cub is out and about where it shouldn’t be. Like a highway or your backyard.

3) Modified rule #2: Notify nearby authorities AFTER I’ve come over to your house to see said cub.

4) Take lots of pictures.

5) Maybe raise it as your own domestic cat. But that’s probably a really terrible idea.

6) Let me snuggle it.

That’s pretty much it. See for yourself–go to ZooBorns and look at all the ridiculously adorable baby animals. Maybe donate to a good cause. Or go to your nearby zoo and goggle over babies in person.

But don’t goggle over human babies at zoos. Notify nearby authorities that your zoo is keeping human babies in cages. That’s just wrong.

Okay, okay, back to work. It’s graded and such. I will persevere!

Oooh but look! A brand new baby gorilla on ZooBorns….